Oh my poor blog, How I have abandoned you for so long. Well New York was great. The flight was long but in the end it was so worth it. It was a much needed break from reality. I was able to attend both Ginas' weddings. Both brides were beautiful and I really enjoyed myself. The boys and I stayed very busy.

hold that thought....

Surprise surprise

So this month is just about over. Today marked my 300th day if surviving this deployment. We had a film crew from the show Coming Home here last week. I was so upset that it didn't include the happy ending I had hoped. On a brighter note my Aunt bought us plane tickets to come home to New York while AJ is on fall break. He starts at the end of this week and doesn't have to return until the 11th! I'm super excited now. I've been needing a break for awhile. Yay!

A Decade Later

On August 28th it marked 10 years since my mother has passed. I still remember that night as if it happened yesterday. I still miss her everyday and wish I could just pick up the phone to call her but that just isn't possible. I believe that is the hard part about losing a parent so young. You don't even know to ask certain questions and when trying to figure out who you really are, those important people just aren't around. So of course I was feeling a little down but in honor of my mother, I got dressed, did my hair and "put my face on." Of course I put on my jewelry as well. My mother was still very much a 1950's housewife in the idea that appearance is everything. This was a woman that kept a toothbrush and toothpaste in her pocketbook.

Then I started to watch some old black and white films. Oh how I love curling up on the couch and being able to watch "The Best Years of Our Lives." Now I don't mean to step on feminism in anyway. Do I think a woman should be placed in the home and not allowed in the work place? NO NOT EVEN CLOSE! But I do love the grace, poise, wit and fashion this era portrayed. The idea that you could be strong and classy at the same time, to me is what a woman should be. Would you have caught any of these woman at the grocery store, picking up the kids, or shopping in the pajamas? Not a chance.

I love being able to speak to my grandmother. A woman who was born in the 30's, married in the 40's, and had children in the 50's. While she may be a woman with many traditional values, I love her outlook on certain situations. My aunt (her daughter) is probably laughing right now. My grandmother loves to complain but I don't mind listening. She reminds me so much of what I love about women growing up in the era.

Now back to my mother. A modern woman with old values. I guess now that I am getting older with a family of my own, Im really starting to embrace being a woman. But what does that mean? Is it a separate definition for each individual? Drawing from my history, my experiences and my goals this would be my conclusion. A woman should be strong enough to hold her life together. Independent enough to take care of her responsibilities. Graceful, witty, sophisticated, educated (not just in book smarts but street smarts as well), kind, loving, lovable, risk taking, and adventurous. But most of all a woman should have confidence in herself and in her abilities. Yup I think that sums it up.

21 With 5 Years Experience

Update since last blog. Let's see. We now have 75% of this deployment completed. Maybe more depending on when they actually leave the sandbox. I have already started my "Welcome Home" checklist. Im totally stoked and we are more than half way done with the month ofAugust.

AJ is loving school and doing pretty well. He's definitely a talker which seems to cause some small issues at school but he's working on that. The boys and I went to his Open House night. He was so excited to show me everything that they do in his class. I still can't believe how big he is. Some of the things that come out of his mouth are very grown up. We still do "Pool Wednesdays," and this past Wednesday he learned the breast stroke.

Michael is super fresh. He's just a few days shy of 14 months. Which means we will be going back to the doctor this week for shots and a weight

check. I love how he will eat just about anything, especially fruit! AJ hates fruit unless it's in a cup ie smoothie, juice, ice cream. But not my Michael. Lately we are working on his language arts. Physically hes developing wonderfully. He's hit every milestone. His language seems to be a bit slower which is so different then where AJ was at 14 months.

I just celebrate my 26th Birthday, aka 21 with 5 years experience. I was very lucky to have some great friends and family that were caring enough to send me things through the mail. It was sort of depressing in a way. There was no birthday dinner or cake. I took AJ to school, cleaned the house, took care of Michael, went to open house, grabbed McDonalds for dinner, came home, got the boys to bed and called it a night. Luckily for them. Atleast I wasn't alone. On the bright side Im down 2 lbs of my 15 lbs goal. I have to start putting together that scrapbook for Rob. I can not wait to have my man home. Some days can't go fast enough!

August Finally

So it's finally August. Thankgoodness. Im just trying to keep busy and make my way through this deployment. Which leaves me with 62% completed! Another paycheck down, another item crossed off my to do list and I'm almost there.

So I took boys boys for haircuts. It was Michael's first one. While normally I wouldnt even consider a child's $30 haircut I splurged and spent the money. AJ of course went to the barber for his $9 one. The next morning was August 1st. AJ had finally started the 1st grade and boy was he excited. He barely slept the night before. Everything went well. We got up for school without a hitch and had no problems. I also picked up a few hours for babysitting. Every dollar helps. Thats for sure. Today we went to a 1st bday party which was fun. So many babies.

Rob said there is a chance he might get home earlier but obviously there are no guarantees. Im keeping my fingers crossed and praying to the deployment gods. I know that I definitely have atleast 3 months left of this deployment. Im at 138 lbs. I still want to get down to 125 to meet my goal. Totally doable. I still need a good pair of running sneakers but that will come soon. I also have some major things to take care of. The cars need to be registered, Michael needs to get shots, I need to get to medical and well daily life still needs to be taken care of. But thats it for now. Bye bye

Out with July... August is just around the bend

Can I just start by saying that I am extremely excited to be 60% done with this deployment. Its been super frustrating. This is my first deployment on the other side of the fence. No wonder Army wives tend to gain a ton of weight. I could literally sit in the house and bake all day if someone would let me. Then at night I would eat until I would go into a food coma. So instead I bake and ship it off and I diet and exercise.

Eating has been kinda unhealthy but I also havent had a good routine to workout either. The boys and I went to the Bishop Museum. A must if you are ever in Honolulu. I want an annual pass very badly now. Another mommy friend and her kids invited us. Between the 2 of us we had 7 boys. She has 4 boys and one tagged along. Plus my two. It was great. AJ loved it. They have the dinosaur exhibit up now and wow it was great.

Anthony also met his teacher today. School starts on Monday. Im a few supplies short of a completed list. But after a quick run to target I should be good. Im so excited for him and Im just as excited for me. I get to go back to enjoying the days with Mikey and the nights with AJ. Plus during nap time I will finally get some me time. AMAZING and totally selfish but I need it.

So Im sort of OCD about certain things and I made a weekly schedule with a chore chart and cleaning list attached. Im trying to keep life organized. Rob won't be happy but Im taking myself on a "project" shopping spree. Im buying a great pair of running sneakers for my training, garden stuff to do with AJ, crafts and scrapbooking items, and some outdoor stuff to do with the kids while we are home. Gotta love that deployment money.

Im very excited for the month of August. Michael will be 14 months old, AJ will be in school, pool days will resume on Wednesdays, and its project month! OK well I need to go spend some time with my little man.

the end literally

Two Day/Day Two

After a rough night of not sleeping well I woke up in a crumby mood. I also didnt get to work out until the boys were already up which cut my workout 30 minutes short. Luckily the scale said 139 this morning. Between clean eating and staying active my body burns off most of that garbage I was previously eating. On the bright side I didnt feel sluggish yesterday so I didnt need a nap. Thank goodness for 20 something year old biology.

The boys are doing ok. We tried to go outside yesterday and play but Michael quickly had a meltdown forcing us to go back inside. So we will attempt to head to the pool after lunch today. With fingers crossed hopefully today will work out better. I still can't believe how much they have grown. Michael blows kisses now and AJ has really stepped up as a big brother to help me with him. I still can't believe we have 1st grade orientation on the 29th. Where does the time go?

Rob seems to be doing well over there. With still more than 5 months left we are hoping for it to fly by. Plus, I always sleep so much better when he's home. Sooner or later this will all feel like a bad dream that will just stay in the past. Atleast until the next time he has to go away. Hopefully that doesn't happen for awhile.

The boys just walked into my bedroom and it seems they are determined to get my attention so I might as well get my butt in gear and start the day! There is only a few more days left of summer vacation so we might as well try and enjoy them.

Until tomorrow, Ciao

Day One

So I was finally able to fall asleep before midnight last night. After baking almost 2 dozen Toll House cookies, I decided it was time to start up and get serious about my P90X. Rob should be home in a little over 5 months. I can finish a complete round of P90X and start Insanity! After a few weeks of my food induced depression I am trying whatever I can to stay busy and not dig deeper into this hole. So I woke up, to my clean house and started chest and back. JEEZ!!! I was hurting badly today and AB ripper X? I couldn't even finish it. Which was fine because the boys wanted breakfast and it was time to get myself together.

I mailed off Rob's small care package. It wasn't decorated or anything. Hopefully it will get to him soon since it has his allergy meds in it. Plus I threw in some of those cookies in order to sabotage his diet lol. No, I just know that he will be honest at my attempt at baking.

So during my depression phase I put on some weight. Im now back up to 142 and my face has completely broken out in. Im sure lack of sex doesn't help either. So Im drinking my water, exercising and hopefully I can start to sleep.

I also noticed something I liked reading on another friend's nlog. She had a top ten. I love that idea. So Thanks to Amanda Sutter I may have to steal that from her. Well that is it for today. I think it might be time for some lunch and then some time spent outdoors. The boys and I are going a little nutty in the house.

Living pay check to pay check

No not literally!!! Rob gets paid bi-monthly as all military do but I've noticed thats how Im starting to do the countdown. 173 days, or 5+ month, or whatever just seems like too much right now. Trust me after 2 kids, almost 6 years of marriage, and moving 4 times we have def learned financial management.

Its still summer break for AJ until the 1st of August when he goes back so Im just trying to keep busy. I have a few things planned and some goals that we have set. Maybe we will get them accomplished this month and maybe we won't but staying busy is super important.

Sleep has been hard to come by. Ive noticed when I dont get enough Im really cranky and its easy for me to get sad.

Eating healthy hasnt been a priority but I have noticed since I stopped eating healthier that I feel like garbage so thats slowly changing. On a better note Michael has been eating better so hopefully at his next check up hes put on more weight. I swear ever since we stepped on this island hes had a hard time keeping on the weight.

I was in the process of helping a woman try and lose some weight but she's been busy and not very motivated. I think mentally if you are not ready then physically you won't be either. Anthony has finally finished out his flag football season and last weekend we had the BBQ on Hickam Air Force Base Beach. It was great!

I also made Anthony a chain link calendar. (picture above) Written on it is birthdays, holidays, quotes, lyrics, observances, things we want to do when daddy gets home, and things to do before daddy gets home. Each day we will rip off a link and put it into a love box that we made for daddy to read when he gets home.

Monday we (another mom and me) took the kids to see Cars 2. I missed most of it because Michael was too excited to just sit but the kids loved it. Wednesday we took the kids bowling and yesterday we went to the pool.

The next two weeks should also keep us busy. We have to start getting ready for school and still enjoy summer as well. As terrible as this might sound. Im very excited for school to start. I love Anthony but I can't seem to keep him busy enough. I started writing out my 2 week list for things planned and it should work out well. Fingers crossed :)

Well I better get moving. My car is not going to clean itself and maybe some fresh air will be good for the boys! We miss and love you berto boy!

Surviving Deployment

Maybe I am just hitting a low point but yesterday I received some not so happy news. Rob's deployment orders have been extended until January 2nd. I know its only another 31 days but Im devastated. There are still so many questions. How will they be sending them back? How soon? Will he make it home in time for Christmas? Can they extend it again? While Hawaii is BEAUTIFUL, this place is not home. Atleast not with Rob gone. Seriously Hawaii is a beautiful place with views and beaches that don't compare to anything I have EVER seen but this is not home. I go through each day just wishing it to be over. Michael has grown up so much since Rob has left. AJ has been more difficult now than ever before. Im surrounded by Navy wives that the longest deployment they will experience at any given time is 6 months. Most dont' go out to sea for more that 4. Rob's deployment has tripled that. I've met some nice people but none in the same boat. I have not had one break away from the kids since Rob left for deployment on December 1st. Actually I lied. When Rob came home for R&R I got my hair done one day and we went to dinner for Mother's Day.

So here I am in Hawaii all alone with the two boys. I try and stay busy. Taking them to the beach, the pool and maybe an activity or two. But at the end of the day its just me. I watch TV alone, I clean alone I take care of the boys alone, I sleep alone and pretty much everything else is just alone as well. I didnt realize how hard this would be. No wonder most of the Army wives are really fat. Food is a great comfort. Speaking of which I have no desire to work out or anything anymore. Maybe once it gets closer or when AJ starts school I will feel differently.

I know they say deployment money is good but its def not worth the time spent away from my husband. Looks like I have 5 more months of this. Jeez someone wake me up when this is over

Halfway through June

So in order to know where you are headed you have to know where you came from. On June 1st I took some pictures of myself in a bathing suit. No editing, no airbrushing, just me, my chunky thighs and flabby tummy. I am also taking another challenge and I am helping someone else lose a 100 lbs. It works out perfectly because it reminds me to help others and also help myself. I weighed 137 on June 1st. Im hoping to weight 133 by July 1st. My new goal is to weight 125 lbs by the time Robert gets home. Lets see what this body is really made of.

P90X A New Start A New Beginning

OK well my first cycle of p90x didnt go so well. I mean I definitely saw a HUGE improvement but not what I wanted so tomorrow starts my new 90 day cycle. Hopefully I will be able to take my measurements, weight, pix, and ability test. I can't start school until January so I need to set myself some goals. I mean I plan goals for my family all the time. Like I want to teach AJ how to ride a bike well, tie his shoes, and read better. Michael I want to help his language, teach him to walk, and fatten him up. For my loving husband, im hoping to put together a great Father's Day package and start my wonderful little projects for his welcome home. Something I noticed about Moms now a days that they let themselves go, not because they want to be hideous beasts, or not fit into their favorite pair of jeans. They just happen to put everyone's needs, wants and dreams before their own. Many dont even realize that they are doing it. While I may never get the new pair of ta-tas I want (im too cheap to spend the money) I can atleast try and work with what the good Lord gave me. Plus Im almost 26, 30 is right around the corner. If I dont take care of myself now it will only snowball into bigger problems later. Turning 30 is worse than turning 60. No seriously. Studies show that your metabolism and calcium take a HUGE nose dive at 30.

So my 90 day P90X cycle. As Tony Horton says "You love it but you hate it." Lets see what this body is capable of doing. Feel free to join me on my journey. The hardest part of P90X is being able to press play. That and the yoga pose where you are on your head. Day 1 will def get a blog post of its own. What should it include?

Aloha!

Living in Hawaii has been bittersweet. Its beautiful here. From the grogeous beaches that vary from one side of the island to another, to the fusion of asian and hawaiian food, to the melting pot of people you meet. On the other hand Rob is still deployed. He left on December 1, 2010 and will probably not return before his 12 month deployment is up. What a bummer to say the least but I am so proud of my Soldier. What a long way he has come. AJ has finally graduated Kindergarten and is definitely looking forward to the first grade.

Between that and flag football he stays pretty busy. These days Michael gets into everything. Luckily for me Im young and still manage to scrape up some energy to keep up. Now 11 months old and taking a few steps, 7 teeth, and babbling mama and dada, hes grown so much.